neo_addict_gurl... 的个人资料*My Own Getaway*照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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3月31日 31st march. the day before april fool~~Lol. First day of second term holidays. Man.. What a rush it was early in the morning. I woke up at 5.30 and still managed to run around for everything the last minute ^_^V Came to school with a smile. Baka lyana, she greeted me with "Did you bring the mags?!" XD Instead.. I gave her a pendrive with Chance to change in it (I put in the pottery eps of Hyakushiki, maybe she'll fall in love with Daiki and Inoo too instead of going all over Chinen :P) Went upstairs and dropped my physic homework in the box my teacher set up outside. Bye2 many blank homework. I'm not caring bout you anymore! Guess what? we had assembly in the school hall today. the entire school. Luckily all the students were told to sit on the floor after a while. I couldnt stand standing. Sometimes I hate the time of the month ._. Different teachers took turn to be 'informative' and talk about cleanliness of the canteen, school parking space, etc. Everything that didnt involve me cos i basically throw all my rubbish anyway. Damn they held us up form 7.30 till 9! I was falling asleep when the principal was talking infront. Spent my personal study period goofing off with my friends. Some bad news from Fiqah but i'm not allowed to talk about that. I promised her I wont. Physics~ It was the highlight of my day XD As much as i hate physic homeworks I enjoy the class with Mr Bharat sarcastic ways. Today he told us to take a picture of ourselves and compare that pic with myself next year because that'll the youngest i'll ever look again. followed by his catch phrase 'because? Because you decided to take physics' lol While teaching he suddenly pointed at one classmate saying he's the happiest in the class. Turns out the guy fell asleep. How can anyone fall asleep during Physics?! Poor him. Everyone laughed at him. Man i was crazy today. You could see me laughing and joking around all day. The girls never cease to amaze me. They're crazy which close friends-inside jokes. I guess that's what 5 years of friendship do to you? XD I bet people that dont know us would think we're lesbians or something. hah! I'm so sleepy. Mama's friends are downstairs looking at the all the 'merchandise'. Seriously my mum is thinking of opening a shop selling all those roses and country house decos. I wanna go downstairs and take the book i'm currently reading. I cant believe i'm still reading it. Its almost one week. I usually finish a 300-400+ book like that in like 3 days. Sigh. eh~ where's all the fomatting buttons? it's a long time since i posted my last blog that everything seems all diff. msn's upgrading again -_-" I wanted a rainbow-y post :P 2月26日 Sore wa dekimasen!Sore wa dekimasen! (I cant do that!) Well i think thats what it means. nyeh.. my heart and mind is all confused and scared and trying to untangle everything. Today was my second day in SMSA. I'm still not used to it. My orientation group is 'Peterpan'. The indonesian group which i used to hate a lot. In the group there's no one in our class. At least Hisyam is in the group next to ours and that seems to comfort me a bit. Shahbilillah (sp?) is in my group. I thought he moved to Tutong. heh i was wondering why i saw him twice in the same week while going around kb and seria. So the first day of orientation i so disappointed myself. I think i was a bit 'sombong' I keep talking in English when everyone talks in malay. I hope they dont see me as a snobbish english speaking girl T_T. Well today was a bit better and i actually tried to help in the games. Although i think i'm a bit of a loudmouth when we were doing it XD I'm still dissappointed our eggdrop didnt count even though the egg didnt smash. (so what if it hit the sides of the first floor?! the egg is still whole even though there's a shock right?! We had a freaking treasure hunt running around the wholes school not knowing where everything is to find the things for the egg drop!) Tomorrow's performance day and i have no idea what/how we'll dance. I'm scared to stand on the stage. I'm scared because i'm not in my usual science class anymore. I'm scared that i cant cope with A-levels. I'm scared that i cant open up to anyone new. I'm scared that i have to try to be independant. I'm scared because if i'm scared of all those things, how can i survive if, in some miracle, i get the scholarship to England? I'm scared if i get the scholarship i have more scares to try to overcome. I'm scared i'll fail my A-levels. I'm scared the teachers/tutors wont like me. I'm scared and confused but i want to overcome it! I want to be less dependant! But my heart is doing weird things. Oh and I'm scared because all HSGP seems to be offline these few days and i cant talk to any of them. Neis-niichan still isnt in irc too T_T I need constructive criticisms. Oh and i had a dream yesterday. I was at school. I mean at PJN. I forgot to do this correction for maths. It was just one question but the working was way long! And it was my next class! I tried to do it but i couldnt. This is like the Xth time i had dreams that i didnt finish a hmwork/correction. I think its karma for all the times i didnt finish mrs corinna's and ckgu nuwai's work. Sigh.. Owh and about two days before school started I kinda started to do this fic about a boy and a girl (of course the boy is a person from HSJ :P but the girl isnt me) Its about exchange programs. You know, going to some country 'exchanging' families for a while. Finding out the owner of the room you're staying in is your idol's but you cant see him cos coincidentally you've switched life with him for a month or so. How you, a boy, had to stay in a girl's room. How shocked you were at looking at yourself when you close the door to the room. (posters and pictures pasted at the back of the door). In the next weeks you learn so much about her/his and her/his living that you feel that you know her/him. What happen next? that's all? Can she ever meet you? Chances you're not going to. You lie there sleeping on his bed with him not knowing you. but hey you know his family right? Somehow that's not enough.. Yeah. I thought that would be an interesting piece of story but sadly i have a hard time imagining it myself so i dont know if i should abandon the story or not. Darn i wish my imagination is wide enough to finish it. I'd love to read about it. 2月12日 2 days till valentinesIgnore the title. Its not like i'm celebrating valentines anyway. I'm now brainwashed with Japan's style of valentines. Its a day the girls give chocolates or letter or others those sort of things to boys they like. girls to boys. there's a special day where boys give girls something too but i forgot the name of that day. hmm..
Happy Birthday Fiqah!
I wish i can talk to her. but i guess i can wait till saturday. then i can meet all my friends! (well except bai, i dont know if she'll be there or not T_T)
I want to take pics with them and so on. but i know on that day i probably wont do much. sigh
I miss talking to Fifah.. I realised i know nothing about what happen to her. I wonder how she's doing with her new house and all..
Fifah baca nie? I'm sorry for not keeping in touch.
Tomorrow is Kaokao's birthday (one of the HSGP+KEN)
i nearly forgot about it. Thought i'd cut a the NEWS pics in my mags and sent it to her but 1. i've never sent anything through mail before. 2. Sayang kan gunting from my japanese mag. i know.. i'm a bad friend. -_-
Maybe i will sent it. I dont know.. but i wish that i could put something else in there for her. i dont know. a letter? i dont know what to say.. a poem? she's better with peoms than me. a fic? its kinda too late for that -_-"
speaking of fics. i released the 15th part of my fic today. Finally added the last two members of hsgp in it but then.. i made Ayumi as a boyfriend stealer (dont kill me>.<)
rllaneis is not on IRC anymmore. Probably very busy with his work.. I want him to comment on my fic.. I miss his constructive critisms and his constant medling with my love life. hehe he'll be very dissappointed with me if he knows i have no progress yet XD I'm selfish cos i just want a big brother to lean too and tell all my current worries too.
1月5日 6th day of 2008Well its the 6th day of 2008 (its 12.43 am right now. so you can say i only had 5 days of 2008 so far)
Today and yesterday weren't a very good day for me.
I wrote another part of my fic today ^_^
read it here: http://purplemade.blogspot.com
Why i post the link here you might ask.. No reason. Basically no one read this anyway. lol
oo. Mar should be coming back to brunei today.
I seriously have nothing to do at home. lazying around all day. Well i did mop the house today.
Tomorrow i shall do some ironing. hehe
There's shounen club tomorrow! HSJ singing new song! hehe
Akaru posted the song (concert version) probably recorded by some fangirl that came that day.
Geez, the screamings. They could've made me deaf. But the song sounded great. although i cant hear it clearly..
And Akaru said JUMP concert DVD is confirmed! Yosh! I can finally see the concert! I need to know if Inoo really played the piano and why was Daiki playing those drums.
But of course.. even if the DVD is coming out itwould take like till May atleast? sigh I'll have to wait then.
Looks like prom is back on tract. The 5sc1 is organising the whole thing. theme=masquerade. cool~! I hope i can make it
Although i must admit i dont think my body is i the right shape for me to be wearing a dress. hehe
3 more days till i go to KL. I miss dad. After that he has to work for another 2 months. owh well.. he didnt work for 3 months before that. so i guess thats fair..Money is running out X_X
Sad that my sis isnt coming also. That means i shop alone. no one to ask for opinions (except for my mum). But then again.. my mum said we wont shop that much this time. yeah right. XD I know i wont buy that much but still..
Okay.. 8 more minutes till one o clock. my eyes are wide awake. Eh wait! i forgot.. i have to follow my mum to a wedding tomrrow.. X_X
Should go now then.. Toodles. lol
oh oh. Visit http://heisei-girlsandboys.blogspot.com
I'm the E in HSGP+KEN. hehe
12月30日 1 more day of 2007happy *almost* new year everyone~
I hope everyone had a blast this year gaining new experience and memories
I'm still on holiday (obviously..) School is almost starting for everyone else.
This morning I tried ot fill my days without using the computer much. i succeded i guess.. Wrapped my bro's textbooks and cleared my cupboards.
I fount $10 in an old bag.hehehe
Now have one block for my fangirl stuffs. so i pasted posters in there and placed everything there. i dont have much. it was alomost everything Fahrenheit but with HSJ's two CDs in the other corner. I need to buy or atleast make some Hey!say!JUMP stuff *sigh*
I want the calendar! But its $43 and i dont know how to start bringing it up to my mum.
Still cant stop thinking how i missed the JE selling shops while i was in hongkong T_T i should have begged my mum to go there again
I even watched jump in the pop up edition just now. More time away from the comp ^_^
I'm thinking of getting a new blog. Blogspot, livejournal or this space? hmm... Livejournal seems a bit tricky though..
wow.. i had loads to say just now. but between the laptop switching i forgot..
i'll post more later..
11月11日 HeySayJUMP!Fangirl hyperness yesterday. lol
The new songs of HSJ leaked out in the internet!
Yet i must not hear it *sobs*
Must wait for my CDs
Thanks hichan for holding me down from downloading the song and cutting a piece of the songs for me to hear. ^_^
and thanks Kei-chan for slapping me when i went crazy XP
Yuki~ Egg! lol
Although i know they'll never read this. hehe
Its raining right now.. I keep looking out the window. I like looking at rain ^_^
2 more days till bio exams. I just remembered how Bio is really really boring for me. I almost fell asleep afer reading for just like 30 minutes. *sigh*
Fahrenheit's mini dolls are available to buy from yesasia! but i cant buy them.. -_-" i just bought the CDs online. i cant buy those too..
Jumping to my dream~ 10月16日 Am i that fat?Sheesh. Its raya, we just had a family came to raya-ing. Last year i got my hair permed and this girl looked at me and said 'Napa rambut mu, kna karan?' This year she looked at me and said gamuk jua!. I wonder what she'll say next year. I hate it when that family come here. I used like them. I feel two faced. Ofcourse infront of them i'll be all okay.. The little kids were annoying. Why do kids like squeky shoes? Does it amuse themselves? its f**king annoying.
I know i've gained weight this year. and height. I'm still growing! I used to be so small and eat so little. Now i'm eating more and growing its a bad thing too??!! I'm not even overweight yet. Sure my shoulders are broader than normal and i cant properly fit into size M clothes because of it.. but i dont think i'm that fat. I need input. Am i seriously that fat?
Next is my 'walking' problem. My mum said i'm a bit..'bongkok'. I cant help it! i need to look down when i walk. But i need to stop doing that. i need people to tell me to stop me when i'm doing it.
AAaahh.. my self esteem is way low right now.
Just now there was no current in the neighbourhood for like 3 hours or so.
Today is not a good day..
10月4日 Yogurt and cryingFirst of all, i just ate some yogurt thats why i'm yogurt high~ XP
Today is a day of crying for Form 3 and 5
We went to the mosque and performed the sembahyang hajat and sembahyang taubat. Suprisingly the motivator is very um.. wise? His words makes loads of sense and meaning and his bacaans were so..merdu. I almost cried. Some people actually cried.
Then the ceramah was fun. We are the BEST BEST BEST! (two thumbs up!) hehe
The most memorable thing was the student with parents session. Parents and their children sat on the dewan legar floor with each other. Its a very pleasant sight. We (the ones that didnt have our parents with us) had to sit in a group of ten with 1 female teacher. We were all 11 students (me, pipah, sharifah,amal, ummie, peng, anne, lyana and eqah) sat togather in a circle with mrs.phang. Yes mrs.phang! She was
so kind, funny and nice. She kept saying 'Wah.. i have many daughters!" hehe. You'll make a great mother mrs.phang!
First we were to put our arms around each other and baca zikir ngan the motivators. The non-muslims can keep queit ja.. We all baca out loud and campur dngan the zikir and melody.. it felt very.. pleasing. Then Fiqah started to cry. one by one started to cry. Now parents were to talk openly to their children, children were to hug them and say what they wanted to them, ask for forgiveness. Every1 was very into it. Almost everyone in our group started crying even mrs.phang. At first i thought why is pkah crying? why eqah's crying? at that time i didnt felt anything i was afraid something was wrong with me. Then i started to look around.. students were being hugged with their parents and family..they get to pour their hearts out. My parents were across the ocean!and i cant do anything bout it. When i saw everything it was so sad to me, i've never really hugged my parents even though i wanted to so much. I started to cry. Every1 cried. There was no need to explain. I wish my parents were there...Sharifah was crying so badly i dont know how to comfort her. I'm glad we were hugging each other, when i felt pipah's hand on mine, i felt a bid better. Thanks pipah :)
then we had a practical directly after that. Was sooo not in the mood for physics.
Its 9.11pm, my parents just msg-ed me. They didnt even called. They didnt even ask how was the motivational talk or anything.. :(
Tomorrow i have a chem practical. Thermometric Titration...I hope i dont mess up..
man.. i'm still emotionally unstable. 10月2日 I'm a stirrerYesh.. i'm the stirrer >.<
When i help my mum, i have to stir the cake mix
When i help my dad, i have to stir the paint
Its that time again. Time to make raya biscuits and cakes. But sadly i dont feel the eagerness. I'm usually the one askin my mum what she's going to make like weeks early. I'm still helping her though.
I got a new job, helping my dad paint the house. fun fun even more if i didnt have such a suckish brush.
I'm a bit eager for my dad to finish the stairs cause the curtains are taken off and at night people can actually see through the tinted glass window. I'm always afraid that my neighbours can see me in my pjs.
Tomorrow's malay oral. I dont know what to prepare. >.<
Thursday my parents goin to s'pore. I cant follow. Wish it was holidays, then i could go.. I miss s'pore food. hehehe
Today school was okay. Bag felt empty. And i have to says i'm gettin sick of Past year qsns. Esp. maths.
Again i was so tired at BM had trouble to open my eyes. Tomorrow i must not sleep after sahur. ngantuk aja nanti.
Sharifah was especially 'naughty' today. But its fun sitting next to her during bio at least i dont dread the lessons much
I'm nearly finished with Tantei Gakuen Q. Still waiting for the subs of the last episode. Episode 10 was very suspense. Yama-chan is not guilty! XP Not much new news of HS Jump..
Yesterday my cus told me there's a rumor that Fahrenheit had an accident. I was like OMG WHAT??1!. But of course it was wrong. False rumors are so troublesome. Aaron is still in wheelchair. Hope he recovers quick
Lastly.. I wanna see my baju rayas! My mum keep saying she'll pick it up later but she doesnt. I dont remember how many i have. I think i already have 3-4 at home. but i know my mum sent more than that. Raya's comin. I'll be weird havin exams then. I dont think i ever had exam during raya
9月22日 I forgot i had a blog >.<Aha.. Yeah. i just remember i had you. XP
Its the fasting month! Time seems to go on slower. with nothing to do
News:
I finally finished my computer project! Wuhoo!!! Such a relief. I dont know if i scored it or not but i hope i did. Put loads of effort in em. Just handed it in today. Now i need to hand in the cd.. i still dont know how to make it but i dont wanna care bout that at the moment.
I got number 4 again for my QE. *sigh* You beat me again erwan. By 3.5% sigh big gap if you ask me. hehe. Note to self. improve your maths and computer. maybe then you can catch up.I wanted to congradulate him but didnt.. hehe Next stop.. O'level! after that maybe i'll have to find a new rival. haha who know's whats in store for us in the future.
Had my english oral.Glad thats over. It was okay.. The examiner said he sees himself in me. hahaha
Current obsession: Hey!Say!7 and JE. Yuto and yama-chan is soo cute.. But they're bout my bro's age.. -_-' Takaki has a gf! their pics are kinda cute.. hope he didnt get in much trouble for hvin a gf. JE rules and all. And there's this pic going around of a couple kissing. people say its yuto! i guess it does look like him abit from the sides.. but i refuse to believe it. he's goddamn 14!
Sis was temporarily here yesterday. one day only but still yay! i made her a cake! well actually its pudding.. the sme 1 i made for the party.
Waitin for hana kimi japan's last episode's subs to come out. cant wait to watch it. (I wanna learn japanese!!)
8月31日 auguest 31. (Merdeka malaysia!)There's been nothing much to write about these days. Well not much that i would want to be in here.
Qualifying exams ended. It just occured to me that its nearly the end of high school. If my qualifying exam results turn out not that good,theres a high chance it'll be more or less the same in o levels. Sigh. I'm not aiming for scholarships anymore. I've been thinking, even if i get it, i still dont know what directions i'm headed to. I'll let time flw and does it work. Now, i'm just trying to do my best.
Dad'll be back in like 5 days. his work ends earlier than expected. That means less money, since its counted by days but i dont care. i just want him home. :)
O'levels in 6 weeks!
Holidays next week!
I'm getting plumper...I need to exercise more..my mum said im fat. :'(
is it really that bad?
I dont have much plans for the long holidays ahead. i just want to learn to cook. I need to overcome my estimating problem. i cant estimate. its sad. hmm.. then what? prom? i'm still not sure i want to go to that. I used to be looking forward to it. but thinking its not like the normal crazy parties we have, its the whole form 5 and maybe some people from other schools too. do i want to mix in those crowds.. i dont know.. and dresses..man it'll be weird trying on dresses for the prom. I wish it was a costume party. no matter how bad it looks like, its still a costume and i can go as a fashion victim or something. hehe.
Wait. think bout exams first. gotta start learning every day
then there's the whole computer project again... still dont know what to do in that..
but i'll try. If the queitest girl in class can change into the most popular girl, why cant i try to improve. ^_^
okay.. lame post.. what ever.. 8月12日 so close yet so farAaah. Wu zun's gym opening ceremony was today. I woke up at 7!! i was at bandar cos yesterday night we were celebrating Nurul's bday. But me and zatie didnt know the program and if they allowed strangers to come too. We were dieying to meet him. But at the end, we didnt go cos we had no plan and we didnt really know where it was nyways. we didnt go. aaahhh.. nda tenteram hati masa atu. Den at 2 we went to WYWY to drink and use the internet. We went to the fitness zone website and upanya sana ada ditaruh programmenya! 11.25am autograph and pic taking session. AAAA limpas udah.. Garam banar.. i want to see wu zun!!
Ari Friday ada trip ke bndar to the icc/going to the mall. hehe. Kmi sampai early and upanya icc bka kul 2 so we went to the mall trus. siuk jua ke mall awal2 pagi. na bnyak org. hehe. we spent almost all the time rah arcade karaeoki(sp??) and smpat jua main DDR ngan erwan. Gila lgi payah panya pkai platform tue. i kicked off my shoe lgi tue. haha. Plus sblum tue i was speed drinking that sprite i bought so my throat was super cold and i ended up with sakit tekak. haha. ckgu jum kesiukan eh menyanyi2 ja. The icc wasnt that bad.. Bnyak org, sasak plang tue. Bnyak yng lain ambil gmbar eh. I want the pic yang kmi smua tue. then kmi gi rah hua ho tutong lgi. I found a cow plushie that looked exactly like my cow keychain except the neck warmer. hehe
Finally i had time to talk with pipah msa perjalanan blik and msa di rumah waiting for pipah to be picked up. I found out stories going around our class that i had not known off. I found out stuff bout me that other classmates were talking bout. I cant believe they thought i was backstabbed. If you think bout it what they said made sense. I knew what was happening but i didnt want to believe it. I dont want to think bad of any of my friends no matter how bad they treated me but i admit i was a bit taken aback by what happened and sad for my other friend, i know how she feels. But i cant just listen to one side of the story so i cant deduce anything from it. I just want my friend back but it kinda feels like she's avoiding me. I need the truth, i wanna talk to her but there's never a right moment 7月25日 changesI realized that my blog entries are usually long. heh not long enough. This is the only place i can talk about my life other than myself. wait... this is the same as talking to my self. owh well..
Changes, there's things in my life i want to change. But when the time comes, i'm the one who's afraid of changes. I found out my quite a no. of my 'friends' are in new relationships or so.I've gone through this before, but it feels new to me. OF course i'm sad that i wasnt told bout it.. but.. i guess its rational. why would they want to talk bout it with me. i'll go blank anyway.. Sometimes i think the whole relationship is pointless.. but in this generation teens seem to cant live without them. I personally think i convinced myself pretty well since i was a kid that no boy would actually find me interesting enought to be his gf except that one guy but i think he did it cos he was also clueless. wth, he doesnt even talk to me now. which proves my point.
Looking out side of the kitchen window looking at my father drive away.. at 9pm, obviously going to meet his friends. I see this seen everyda(when he's home) it sitll makes me sad. one particular flashback when my dad went to limbang with his friend. my whole family knows what he does there.. I was still a kid. My mum was mad, i was too. My mum had a plan to make it look as if we went out, so when he went home, he'll have to sit outside..all alone. but that didnt happen. my mum backed out. i was mad but i couldnt do anything. he's my dad.. even if he doesnt pray or fast or do any other religious things and drinks, smokes all the time and so on.. I grew up thinking of all the flash back. i cant stand it anymore but what am i saying i'm not that good anyway, i lie all the time, and cheat myself.
speaking of cheating.. makes me think of all the teacher lectures. every single one makes me feel like crap. but i cant put myself to working hard. i'm lazy and i dont do anything bout it. like right now i;m supposed to be learnin bio for tomorrow. My grades are going down and its not because of relationships. I hate knowing that shaherwan is beating me in everything. URRGH! why do i hate the thought of him being more smarter, louder, sosially more exceptable, plain much better than me! Yet i cant make myself hate him. I realise nowadays i'm sadder, cry more,gloomier, weaker and gone to be quiet again. i dont know how to be myself anymore, i dont even know which me is myself. The crazy hopping around playing with herself girl? the gloomy,weak, keep everything to herself girl? the bossy, mood swing, need anger management girl? i seem to be lots at different time..
others: my sister is goin to be here for a while tomrrow. My mum is asking me if i want to go to kl and skip schoool next sat and monday to attend a wedding there. I so want to but i'm scared of skippin, I need to turn into a shopper! i cant get mself to buy anything. which is bad since i need a new set of clothes, school shoes, testpad! and so on. sheesh. ikeep thinking i'm going to waste money. typical me, my parent like to spend but i cant eve by anytin other than food! i never get any of their good characters. i cant seem to use music to be happy much since i hear that thing every single day. you'd think i'd memorise the lyrics by now. so wrong. plus i need to lose weight! but eating seems to be the only thing that keeps me distracted. i want to talk to my friends like i used to. other than school stuff i dont seem to have any thing to talk to them bout nymore... i used to know more bout my friends than this. my friend has a bf and she's not even tellin me. sadi sad sad. one last thing.. note to self stop the habit of saying yes mam and yes sir to your parents!
yes this is officially my diary from now on.
:( my bro just call me bodoh for the Xth time ( i dont know..) i should care bout it since we say that to each other. i hate it when he does that. he always says its my fault when he looses a game, when the int. conn. slows down, when something malfuntions, .part of me believes him.. he blames me for everything. 7月13日 going away..About 3 more days for my daddy to come home. YAY!! mish mish mish him loads. That'll end. when he come's home, he'll start fixing things all around the house and goes out everyday to lepakz with his friends.. *sigh* I want him to talk to me, ask what i've been up to and stuff. I bet he doesnt even know a single one of my friends.
Once my dad goes home.. then my sister will start taking classes in igs bandar! she'll leave me all alone here with my bro.. Who will i randomly talk to about school and friends? i cant talk about all those stuff to my bro.. That's life eh. i cant imagine how it'll be when we all grow up, would be still be together? what if we all went away to study and have our own life? Who'll stay and take care of mom. She'll be all alone with dad working for months. I dont want to leave my mum all alone having to wait around for my dad to come home. What if a miracle comes and i get a scholarship somewhere.. what will my mum do? or what will i do? i'm such a coward and dependant on other people even to pay at a cashier, i bet i wont even pass my interview.. How do i get stronger? I know i act like a little kid. I dont know how i'll live all on my own..Thats why i like to take trips and what not to see how i'll take care of myself. especially at the temburong trip. I did fairly well in that one. I wasnt that scared of the dark or nything. but i still want to know how i'd do on my own somewhere far away.
Thats why i was tempted to go to that singapore thing. We even get to go visit schools, i'm dying to look at how the schools are in singapore, i only get to hear stories from my cuzzies. But the cost is $500. I hinted on my mum, talking bout it here and there. I think she got the message. My mum said if it was $300, she would let me, but $500,no way.. :(
Tomorrow we have the signing of our records(parents day). I wish they did this like around next week. My dad would be home. I so want him to atleast sign one of my papers before i leave the school. I think he was around once but he didnt go, my mum came, he went lepak again i think, i didnt beg. Waa.. I dont want him to get mad at me though.. I never ask for much.. just show that i actually have a dad to someone. And then the explohunt thing.. I really wanted to join.. We were to late, the spots are full. I wanted to join in at least one more treasure hunt before i left that school. Owh well..
Ckgu Nuwai had left us with another assignment again. Another critical analysis just like the one she once did. Little Red Riding Hood. Is it really meant to be a child story?? Sigh. everytime we get a critical analysis, i get worried. I secretely like it but i'm worried that my opinion is not what teacher wants. I'm afraid she wont like it. Share1's lucky, ckgu nuwai once told him bout her critical analysis bout the story, he can just use that(rewrite it in his own way). He'll surely get a high mark. I wish i was one of the students that teachers like to talk to. I envy ian sometimes cause she almost all teacher seems so happy to talk to her. I dont have that.
My hair seems to be getting longer already. Since a kid, my hair is kinda like the only thing i'm proud of, people used to praise my hair as its soft, need and stuff. When my hair was curly it was kinda unattendable. you cant do much with it. Now my hair feels soft and managable again. I'm so happy.
6月30日 BlogsWhy do people blog? me, personally i just want a place to write about my miseries and complain. Thats why i dont really promote or encourage people to read my blog. To be honest, i dont even let my family read my blog. I dont really want them to know what i'm really thinking most of the time. I'm guessing people blog to share their everyday experience with people (mostly friends). Yeah.. what the heck.
Today i woke up late. But suprisingly when i woke up, i ddnt have that weak and want to sleep feeling. I was wide awake. My bro didnt put up much of a fight to wake up that morning. He had sports day today, so i didnt have to worry bout him getting late to school. Basically everything was going swell and i was quite happy. Went to school with a big smile on my face. MIB, we went through our exam paper. no big deal. Atleast we didnt have to do any hmwk for MIB *YAY!!* Went to physic, we learned about the cathode ray.. I found it pretty interesting with the green flourescent glow and all. I did space out for a few minutes at the beginning of the lesson. When i was back to reality, i was like Oh shit! what was mr kwan talking bout??. I tried to catch back into the lesson. Sha and Mar(i think) was going yes..yes.. when mr kwan was talking which i found very funny and a bit distracting. Erma and Ilham was like i dont get it.. throughout the lesson. XP
Maths was fun.. As usual the right side of the room was having fun and laughing around. They made a fuss about some Pri 6 student that was in our school. i didnt get to see them. I guess they were out by recess or somehting. During break, someone and his group was making noice all of the sudden and when i turned to look, i didnt really care. *YES!! i didnt feel a thing! Bye2 mr.*. Hope that'll last.. XP"
The spoil of the day began during english. I thought i already had a plot for the friendship compo at breaktime but when i came in, i immediately read that the plot had to have some kind of moral in it. I re-thought my idea and decided not to risk it. I went with the examinations should be abolished instead. But i mood was ruined cause i kept thinking bout that friendship thing(the topic means a lot to me considering my past and all).. i finally handed in an unfinished compo cause i was sick of it already and didnt want to continue in the afternoon..
Mrs phang's class was WORST!! She started snapping at us cause we couldnt answer correctly when we were doing the correction. For me, my brain was running slow after that compo thing so i was processing slowly. She could have waited and people would have given a correct ans. She thinks we're robot, spitting out million answers every sec or what?? She went on and on about our english again. How we're all still in la-la land thinking bout bf/gf only and its all always about us thinking we're the icing of the cake and saying we're like less than crumbs. from all her lectures its like this is way harsh since it was like all the lects grouped into 1. She made me feel like dirt and i was soo not in the mood to hear all that right then. For the record i already know that i'm not that much of an icing on the cake, i know that i'm crumbs and i dont think that highly of myself. I'm not in any kind of relationship. STOP TALKING LIKE THATS ALL WE THINK ABOUT. EVERY MINUTE SHE KEEPS REPEATING BOUT THAT RELATIONSHIP THING AGAIN, IT MAKE ME LIKE AAARRRGGGHH!!! STOP IT ALREADY!! I've been telling myself since prmary school that i'm not that good and no boy would like fall inlove with me. YOU DONT NEED TO REMIND ME OF THAT. I NOE IT ALREADY. I was thinking about all she said over and over again and my expression went from bored/annoyed to hot and i could feel tears trying to come out. I put my hand near my face to stop myself. I tried to control myself until i left the gate at school, while walking home i was already sobbing. after locking myself and crying in my room i was fine, i made sure no one knew..
In the afternoon, my mum asked me if i wanted to straighten my hair again. She finally agreed. In the past i was like why cant i straighten my hair?? i know its expensive but we have the money, i know i check bills and go wit my mum to banks and pay bills and i know how much my dad earns a day and how much his debt is, but when my mum agreed i felt guilty, like i was going to waste my parents money. But i really needed to straighten my hair so that i could get a haircut..some of my curls are still high up, so unless i want to cut really really short hair, i'll have half curls half straight hair, that wouldnt look good.. *sigh* I guess i'm still keep thinking like i was a kid when my parents were having money problems. That was one of my worries when i was small..i didnt want to burden them. After like an hour of thinking and asking around, i decided, i needed the change. So we went to the salon, unfortunately i needed to make an appointment first so i'm up for tomorrow at nine am. I hope i like my new haircut.. i dont want to think that i'm wasting my parent's money
damn.. this blog thing was supposed to show that i'm happy.. but now.. 6月28日 June 28 (cant think up of a title)Helloo Blog,
Just decided to start blogging. School was.. as usual i guess..
Geog was.. loud and crazy(just the way i love and hate it XP), *Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll be among the stars..hehe
library was boring (i borowed a book even though i know i wont get to finish it),
maths was maths...
English! "Friendship" or "Examination should be abolished.Do you agree?". Composition. We had to find points or plots so that on the next lesson, we could go straight ahead to writing the composition. I couldnt decide which topic to pick. Both topic seemed so interesting and soo...much pain for the head. ended up doing both 'rangka karangan' at the same time. Now ckgu nuwai wants me to do both and she'll see which one is my strongest( -_-" meaning i'll be doing double work. Nyeh.. i got myself into it..)
I wanted to discuss about friendship in this blog but i changed my mind..
Computer was okay. The lab had no air conditioner though.. panas!! i love watching atai and azrin argue. hehe they're so funny.
What shall we ta-.. i mean.. what shall i talk about today? Lets talk bout people who live the in the 'rich environment' shall we?
People.people.people. Sesiapa yng slalu show off atu. Yang kepoh to know if they live a life yng lbih 'kaya' dri org lain. Those who buy their children branded stuff (guess, applemint, abercrombie, etc), who buy barang yng kiranya mahal2 lah and tell everyone about it. those who go on holiday and tinggal di hotel mahal2, mau pakai taxi ja.. nda mau pakai trains or buses, those yang mkan di restaurant and think buying rah gerai2 is gross. (WTF! Not everything bejual rah gerai2 or tamu is gross you know.. Pandai2 plang pilih tempat. ada yng lagi nyaman dri restaurant2 ah) Furniture pun mesti dri da vinci kah?? Biarkantah bah my katil nda mahal bnar harganya asalkan i like it.
Just because people look nda brapa kaya bnar doesnt mean they dont have any good stuff. and people yang nampak kaya nda smestinya nda bleh beli brang murah2. Whats wrong kan if you wear clothes yang harganya kurang dri $20.
Haha. thats enough. Yes their is those kind of people. Pandai2 jdi rendahkan diri jua lah ah. And. and. My policy is that i'd rather buy non branded goods other than buying imitation goods (tidak termasuk cd, vcd or dvd. hehe) apakan ku ckap nie?
klah. TTFN~ 6月24日 School startingSchool's starting tomorrow! Scared..
So.. i did the physic homework this morning. My pencil case didnt dry so i'll have to use the other one.
Looking back at this holiday.. I say its not a total bore. Within this holiday.. played loads of DDR (disney rave, uk edition, super nova. haha alot) with cuzzies. Slept overs at cuzzies house increased. Still had the moments were i couldnt find anything to do.. but its okay. Sydney was a plus. Much better than Dubai. I had a crying spell.. but thats good since i decided that i should start changing how things are a bit. I thought i'll start with a new hairstyle but..my haircut session didnt go well and i end up with the same hairstyle only a bit UNmessy. You cant tell the diff much. owh well.. i want a real change.. Still have to wait for dad to come home to hopefully paint my room.. I need to be more open and change my personality a bit. I know i need to find time and just let it all out to someone.. but i'm a bit scared to start doin it. I dont want to talk about all of it to a family member..
I found my two ol' diaries. Couldnt open them cause i lost the lock. maybe one day i'll go smash the thing open. Found old letters.. made me sad cause i thought i didnt have real friends but i realised i was the one blocking myself from them.. bla bla bla..
Why do i even bother writing here. No one reads it.. Smooth move making the blog on your private account rather than your main.. hmm... if no one ever reads this i could even write secrets and no one will know. just like my old blogs. just for me. 6月19日 5 days left*sigh*Five days left till school starts. Stuck at home.. nada papa kan di bwat di umah. Boring bnar eh.My mum even considered pergi KL. My dad ckap tdi pergitah! haha. Malas ku eh kan pergi. Nada ayah..boring tue.. klau sma ayah mesti ia bli2kan brang mahal2. haha. Tpi strict plang tue..nda kna bgi duit bnyak.. XP Spoilt bnar ku nie eh.
Cant wait for Hana Kimi two to start. Tpi tahun dpan.. lama lagi tue. Bejam-jam liat episode2nya di you tube and endingnya nda brapa siuk. Eka mau dorang becouple.. Ndapalah. Nanti diri jua geram c Ella cium c Wu Zun. hehehe. God i'm addicted to hana kimi, fahrenheit and most importantly.. Wu Zun! He's so cute. :P i'm turning into those girls yng gila2kan artists.
What happen to the tom boy-ish that I used to be? Even my wardrobe has changed.. More girlish. I lost my sense to mix and match to still have my own style.. -_-'' But i'm still not wearing skirts shorter than 3/4 of my legs. >.< Another thing is my hair. Its gotten so long.. But i dont know how to cut it. I love my precious curls! haha. Cant imagine myself in straight hair like i used to have. But it would be great to be able to comb my hair again..SOMEONE GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS!! (Mcm tah ada org baca nie..)
Homework blum siap..project document blum siap..English 1 paper msih not sure ckgu dah jumpa kah nda.. I DONT WANT TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN!! Half of me dont want to go to school. There's people there..looking at me..expecting something i dont know what to do.. *_*
K lah. off to listen to more Fei Lun Hai music.( Yet i dont even know what they're singin bout.. But it still sounds nice) 6月15日 okay..First of all i just wanted to say.. I made a really long and eventful blog which accidentally got screwed up before i could save it. I also made a nice video clip of when i was in sydney but the program got stuck also before i could save it -_-"
SYDNEY:
Cold with strong wind. When i got there it was raining and the lamp post were all swaying. The river looked liked it had rapids. Definitely colder than we expected. Suprisingly Sydney have a lot of korean and chinese. The people there are very polite and even said thank you, young lady when i stopped and let them past through :D
I wouldnt recommend sydney for shopping much unless you're all into buying all branded stuff. I only mostly bought souveniers(a must of course XP) and jewellery. (honestly i dont need anymore jewellery but i didnt want to go about and not buying anything). I had to buy gloves cause my hands were freezing.
The Featherdale Wildlife Park was fun. Although we had to walk around with umbrellas and my sport shoes were all wet from the rain water. The koalas were asleep..But the kangaroos were all awake and jumping around. We got to feed them and pet them. That was fun. There's this white kangaroo. looking at the picture in my camera, it looked a lot like a big rat. hehe
p.s. I finally got loads of pictures! and i'm not forced to take them. they were willingly done. haha
Thats all for now. Malas udah nie. off to humiliate myself in a game of DDR. :X 6月5日 First!Okay.. So this is my first blog entry. Dont expect anyone to read this.. Saja kan buat something new
Misi(:P) : Let my true self shine. Nada tipu2 jdi orng lain. hahahah
So.. today is kinda the 2nd last day of exams. After esuk, takde lagi tidur kul 12am and bgun kul 4-5 pagi tuk baca buku. Everyday ngantuk kan bwat paper tue. Exams are so boring. I hope i get a good mark. Those exams and late/early night studying as soo not healthy. It hinders my social life too. (Wtf am i talking bout??)
Nyways.. Apa test tdi? umm... apadeh..owh yeah..geog 2. No paper is easy for me this time. Geo tue especially sal weathering atu, kacau.. adakah terselit sal tin mining plang. kosong jdinya ilang 13 markah. antam je la.. Spatutnya balik pas tue pi had to stay for the Eng 1 test. Adakah lupa datang ari tue.. Duduk dpan skali gi tue. lain rsanya. Nada chance kan liat2 orng lain. Ntah apatah ceta ku tadi. Part two tue smbil bwat smbil ktawa. Adakah ktawakan compo sendiri. mcm mana kan dpat markah tinggi nie..
Suk preksa MIB. Malas nah kan bca buku tue. Right now Buku in my room. Have to sneak in to take it laters. Kcau eh, klau ada amah ja kna suruh tidur di blik ku. I hate people goin into my room. Susah kan ambil barang.. Tomorrow parents balik from Bangkok. Yay! More clothes for me. XD Then the next day nya, I'M GOIN TO SYDNEY!!! 4 hari plang ja.. Its goin to be cold!! tpi nda plang smpai da snow.. how i'll survive the temp. hehehe. SHOPPING!!! (ceh.. yalah tue.. nanti di sana nda jua bli brang..tkut kan pakai duit tue.. Jgn mrungut.. nanti kita cuba paksa diri beli blah. habiskan duit yng kna bgi tue.. XXXPPP)
(I like to argue wif myself. so.. jgn hairan) |
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